The Last Time We Stayed at a Hotel
by Canengland
Summary: Random crackishness about the nations spending time at a hotel.  Locking people in closets, a lack of pasta, and an alcoholic food fight ensue.


"Why are we here again?" England was panting from lugging half a dozen suitcases up from the van. Of course you had to carry your own bags at this hotel. "Because France knows the owner's daughter, so we can stay cheap," Spain clarrified. England sighed. "Of course he does. Why am I even surprised?"

"Is there a McDonald's near here?"

"Would you help with these bags? You're the strongest."

"But that would be hard wooork…"

"Fine! Don't help! Useless git…" England stalked off muttering.

"Excuse me, sir, can I help you?" A girl in concierge uniform had appeared and was hovering, watching England move suitcases.

"Oh, no, you don't need to.."

"No! It's fine! It's part of my job!" She picked up a suitcase in each hand and scampered across to the elevator. "What rooms are you in?" Spain shrugged. "I don't know, you would have to ask Francis. He's the one who booked the rooms." The girl went behind the main desk. "And what name would that be under?"

"Bonnefoy. Bonjur Krysta."

"Ah, Francis! Salut!" The girl waved to France, more happy than England would have expected anyone to be to see France. Then there was a stream of French.

"What're they saying?"

"How should I know, America?"

"No, you idiot, you don't put the coffee in there!"

"But Romano, you said we could use it to make pasta~."

"Only if you don't put in the coffee grounds! That way, there's just hot water."

"Oh, okay. Well, whatever Romano, so long as there's pasta."

In the short time since they had arrived at the hotel Italy had decided that he wanted pasta (as usual) and been told that there wouldn't be any until dinner. Romano then pointed out that they could use the drip coffee pot in their room to heat water to make pasta. By this point, no one found it strange that Italy had pasta in his suitcase, they suspected he had the ingredients for sauce and pizza in there too. However, things were not going as planned.

"Waah! This pasta is so undercooked! It's terrible!"

"Of course it is! The water's not boiling."

"But _you_ suggested it!"

"I was joking! You can't really use that to make pasta, you idiot!"

"Waah~!"

By this point Italy was flailing his arms in a frenzy over the ruined pasta. It didn't take long for him to send the coffee pot flying, hitting his brother in the head.

"Why you little-! I hate you!"

"Hey! What're you guys doing?"

America popped his head around the door to see Romano trying to beat Italy with the coffee pot, still half-full of hot water. Italy was shrieking and trying to find somewhere to hide, while hitting Romano with a spoon he had been using to stir the pasta. Unfortunately, America decided that this was not important enough for him to deal with, and slipped behind them into the room. He made his way over to the beds and immediately began folding the blankets to make "apple-pie beds", shortening up the sheets so that when someone went to get into bed, they'd be too tall to fit. He'd been doing this in every room where the door wasn't locked and he couldn't wait for everyone's reactions when night fell.

The sound of shattering glass, screams, and what America could only infer were Italian swears, came from behind him. Yup, all was right with the world.

Meanwhile, in Russia's room…

"Hey Latvia, do you think if you fell down this laundry shoot you'd be okay? You'd land on nice soft clothes after all."

"Uh, um, I'm not sure. Maybe there's some way you could test it?"

"Maybe so…"

And with that, Russia picked Latvia up and shoved him into the shoot.

"Hey, Latvia, tell me about it when you get out!"

Lithuania and Estonia stared at him in horror.

"This is the third floor."

"He'll be fine. Latvia is resilient."

"Russia, you've got to stop picking on him," Estonia complained. Russia glared at him.

"God, you're being annoying today. Lithuania, would you hand me that coat hanger?"

In about five minutes, Russia had managed to duct tape and super-glue a coat hanger to the ceiling and was busy tying Estonia up with the sheets. Once that was done, with Lithuania shivering in the corner, he hung Estonia from the hanger by the back of his shirt.

"Hope you get down in time for dinner. C'mon Lithuania, let's go see what everyone else is up to."

And with that, Russia left, dragging Lithuania with him.

"Woohooo!"

America came crashing down the stairs on one of the large trays that room service sent up. The food wasn't actually sent to his room, but he saw the tray in the hall and just couldn't resist. He was pretty sure one his presidents' kids had done this, so it had to be a good idea.

"Mein Gott! What _is _that?"

Germany came running out of the games room in a panic, looking for the source of the commotion. Just then Prussia decided that this would be a great time to join America. He grabbed two trays from a stand in the hallway, along with a very surprised Canada, and dashed to the stairs, practically hurling himself headfirst.

"C'mon Canada! This is awesome!"

"You remembered my name! Omigodwe'regonnadie! Heeeelp! You remembered my name! Yes! Finally! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

"Awesome, a curve! Hang on Canada!"

Prussia's arm shot out and he grabbed Canada's tray, forcing him to swerve around the curve in the staircase. By this point Canada was clinging to the edge of the tray for dear life, alternately celebrating that someone finally remembered who he was, and praying that he didn't go tumbling headfirst down the stairs and break his neck. Germany stood looking on, horrified, but not that surprised actually. It was a wonder his brother and America hadn't tried this before.

"Oh God help! This staircase has too many curves!"

"Woohoo! Isn't this great? Aren't you loving this Canada?"

"Oh hey you guys. When did you get here?"

*CRASH*

_Oh come on, like we didn't all see that coming._

Back in Germany's room…

"What the hell are you doing?"

"This'll cool you off!"

"Why do I need to be cooled off?"

"'Cause you were yelling at me! That is not awesome!"

"You were sledding down the-Don't turn on the shower!"

Germany was sitting in the tub in the bathroom of the room he was sharing with Prussia, who had shoved him in there to get soaked as revenge for yelling. Well, that and making him apologize to the hotel manager and offer to pay for any damages. Now that he was wet and freezing, of course Prussia hadn't bothered to turn up the heat on the water, Germany was glaring angrily enough that anyone else would have had the sense to turn the water off and flee as quickly as humanly possible, but this was Prussia, so of course he just stood there laughing.

"Ha! The look on your-What're you-? Dammit, West!"

Germany had tackled him and was proceeding to kick him away from the bathroom door.

"Get out of the way! Let me out of here! Idiot!"

Germany managed to shove Prussia out of the way and was stamping around looking for dry clothes. Prussia had obviously decided that it would be fun to unpack the suitcases without telling him where he had put the clothes. Germany threw open the closet doors to reveal the clothes, at last, and…Sweden and a sleeping Finland.

"So, what exactly were you two doing in our closet?"

"France and the hotel owner's daughter decided that it would be a great idea to lock us in your closet and see what would happen," Sweden sighed. "I'm not sure what they expected, but after a while they must've wandered off. Tino fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him, so I just figured I'd wait until one of you wanted a clean shirt or something and opened the closet."

"That's um, actually really considerate of you." Germany was unused to the idea of a nice, caring Sweden.

"Is it really that odd?" Sweden demanded, glowering.

Ah, there was the Sweden Germany was used to.

"Hey! You guys, it's time for dinner! Aren't you hungry?" America was again sticking his head into other people's rooms.

"America! You're the one who gave my brother the stupid-ass idea to sled downstairs! Wait'll I get my hands on you." And Germany was off after him.

"Wha-? What's going on?" Finland was waking up.

Sweden shrugged. "Let's just go get some food."

And with that, everyone still left in the room set off for the dining hall.

In the dining hall…

Let's just step back for a minute and picture this whole, panoramic scene. America and Canada are sandwiched in-between England and France who are yelling at each other, as per usual. America keeps getting his hand smacked for trying to hog all the platters that are coming by him from the buffet (the only way the staff could think of to serve this many people at one long table was to just send a bunch of platters down the line and let everyone take what they wanted) while Canada keeps muttering, "He knew my name! Someone remembered who I was! I'm so happy right now."

"Who's saying that?"

"You know what Kumajiro, I'm in such a good mood, I'm not even mad you said that."

Italy and Spain are trying to restrain Romano as he's trying to fling silverware at Germany who is shouting at his brother in German. Switzerland is bored, and it's not exactly hard to hear what they're saying, so he's translating everything they say into French and giving Seychelles and Monaco a running commentary. Japan and China are bickering about whose fault it is that the food is taking so long to get to them, and why, when plates do show up, they're always empty. (Part of this is America's fault and part of it is that Estonia got himself down from the ceiling and went to rescue Latvia from the laundry shoot, and now the two of them are cowering under the table, grabbing plates of food as they pass by overhead.) Poland and Russia are openly fighting over who gets Lithuania, who by this point is so fed up with both of them that he's shouting about how no one is asking his opinion about any of this. Meanwhile, every other conversation in the room just went up a decibel so people can still hear the person next to them. Hungary and Austria somehow ended up being separated by Hong Kong and Taiwan who are both asking if anyone has seen Vietnam recently, and are trying to talk around them which is not working, given that Taiwan is now trying to ask Seychelles if she's seen Vietnam, even though Seychelles is four people away from her and can't hear her anyway, since all she can hear is a strange Swiss dialect of French. And to top it all off, Belarus comes shooting out from under the table in front of Russia with a steak knife clenched in her fist.

"Marriage!"

And Russia makes a beeline for the exit. There are screams from Spain as he gets a fork in his hand from Romano for "Taking all the tomatoes in the damn salad". While Lichtenstein is trying to use her hair ribbon as a bandage for his hand, Prussia climbs up on the table shouting, "Everyone go to the games room after dinner!"

"Why?"

"Because the awesome me said so, so zip it Austria!"

In the games room Prussia had gotten France to ask Krysta (hotel owner's daughter, for those who forgot) to fully equip the bar in the corner of the room. It's fairly obvious where this is going. Prussia thought it would be hilarious to get everyone drunk then sit back and watch the fireworks. What he hadn't expected was the literal fireworks, sparks if we're being accurate, that were shooting out of the smoking wreckage of what was once a stereo. It was now smoking wreckage because England and France had been playing drinking games with a pack of playing cards. To the amazement of everyone, the more drunk they got, the friendlier they were to each other. They were actually laughing and joking; and here everyone had thought that England was an angry drunk. America decided that the best way to remedy the confusion was to pester England about why he was being so happy. France then bet England he couldn't throw America across the room.

"You're on beard-o! Jus' watch me."

It was apparently a night of firsts and England hoisted America over his shoulder and lobbed him into the stereo, which smashed against the wall and caught fire. While the others panicked and Austria eventually managed to douse the flames with tonic water, England demanded that France fork over the ten Euros France had bet him. When France admits that he doesn't actually have the money on him, England gets pissed and throws a pint of beer in his face. Too bad that was Germany's beer and now he throws France's glass of wine at England. France throws England's martini at Germany but misses and it hits Russia, who chases France down and proceeds to pour half the contents of a vodka bottle down his shirt. The rest of the bottle he smashes over the head of the nearest person, who happens to be Romano. Romano grabs a handful of ice from the ice bucket behind the bar and throws it at Russia. Some of it bounces off the wall though, and that hits Belgium in the head. Belgium can't tell where the ice came from, which Romano is ridiculously grateful for, so she just downs her shot and smashes a bottle of beer on the Netherlands' head. The Netherlands pours a bottle of Kahlua on the bar and sets it on fire. Austria swears and runs off to get the fire extinguisher. Along the way he has to dodge flying chairs and Krysta and England fighting each other with pool cues. Just as everything is getting completely out of control, Canada of all people shows up in the doorway with a boom box blaring "Shut Up and Smile" which is surprisingly good damage control. Somehow everyone calms down and silence falls.

"So, anyone up for stair sledding?"

Instead of smacking America, England smiles at him and shrugs.

"Sure. What the fuck, yeah?"


End file.
